Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Randomize
