I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
