It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
