she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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