Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
should my penis look like a turkey
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
