so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
