I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
