Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
