not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
