Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
