if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
