I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
