So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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