Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
