just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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