Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
