Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
