So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
