I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
