How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
