i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
