Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
