Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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