We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
