I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
