I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize