I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
