Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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