Acid is not a monday night drug
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
