I want to walk on stilts...naked
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Randomize
