Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
bring money and cleavage
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
