its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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