uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
