Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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