Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
