i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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