i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
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