They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
