my mouth tastes like poor choices
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
