so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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