think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
