obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
