I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
