he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
