I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
