Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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