i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
