he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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