Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
