Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
