We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
