is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
