If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
