found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Randomize
