Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
