3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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