Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
