I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize