It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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