he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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