Your dad touched me again.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize