I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize