I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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