i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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