I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Randomize