Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
