even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Randomize
