i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
