Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
