Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
