My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
