U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
