You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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