i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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